11:18 am

• We’re on the plane and the guy in front of us is drinking a Canada Dry. (h)

12:29 pm

• Oops, we have landed in Chicago. (h)

 1:11 pm

• We’re on the plane to take us to Canada.  Nothing much interesting has happened in Chicago, we had some pizza and it was okay. (h)
  
• Cute boys! (s)
  
• There were lots of cute boys. (h)
  
• Yeah. (s)

 3:16 pm

• Staci and I were just reminiscing about the guy in the airport, I guess it was in Dallas?  In Dallas..where he had this lovely mane of curly red hair only he was completely bald on top but he grew his hair to be about 6 feet long and piled it on top of his head and styled it into a pompadour and it was most attractive. (h)
  
• Yeah. (s)

 4:58 pm?

• We arrived in Canada at 4:00, it is now 5:00 and we’re still at the airport.  We’re circling the construction which is reminiscent of the Texas Giant. (h)

 4:59 pm

• Staci thinks we’re on our way now. (h)
  
• Because we can’t hold any more people. (s)

 ???

• Here is Staci now to explain the difference between a “honk” and a “beep.” (h)
  
• Well, a “beep” goes “bip-bip!”  It’s short and high-pitched.  A “honk” goes “hoooonk!”  It’s low-pitched and it goes longer. (s)

 6:51 pm

• Currently walking down the streets of Toronto passing the, uh, St. Andrew’s Church.  We’re on our way to the “Elephant & Castle.” (h)

 8:28 pm

• We were just approached by a homeless man with a calculator trying to convert us to Christianity?! (h)

 9:04 pm

• Do I just hit “play?”  Halee and Staci are at the most Texan place they could find in Canada. (r)

 9:42 pm

• This is take two of Renton teaching us the Canadian provinces.  Two, three, four… (h)
  
• Newfoundland and PEI, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, Quebec, Ontario, and there you’ll see.  Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta, BC.  Uh..Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nynnyvit.  (r)
  
• None of it!  None of it!  None of it! (h)

 10:20 pm

• We’re at the, uh, so-called Texan bar place and uh… (h)
  
• The Armadillo! (s)
  
• The Armadillo Café or some crap and uh, the waiter keeps introducing himself as our friend, but he’s not. (h)

 10:23 pm

• Still at the uh..whatever..and here’s Renton with his favorite joke: (h)
  
• So there’s this farmer who had all these pigs and he raised the pigs to sell them and make some money.  But the pigs aren’t having babies so he goes to the vet and he says, “You know, I’m a farmer.  How do I get my pigs to have babies?”  “Well, have you tried artificial insemination?”  And the farmer’s like, “Oh!  Great idea!”  But he’s kind of a hick and he doesn’t know what artificial insemination is so he thinks, “Maybe that means I should have sex with the pigs!”  So he gets to his house, puts all the pigs in the back of his pickup truck, drives them out to the middle of the field, and has sex with all of the pigs.  Brings them home, and goes to sleep, and in the morning calls the vet and he’s like, “How do I know if the pigs are pregnant?”  He’s like, “Well, they’ll all be wallowing in the mud.”  He looks outside and they’re all just eating out of their trough.  So he puts all the pigs in the back of his pickup truck again, drives them out to the field, has sex with all the pigs again, drives them home, the next morning they’re still not wallowing in the mud.  So he’s pissed off, puts all the pigs in the back of the truck again and drives them to the field and has sex with each pig twice.  He comes home, he’s exhausted, he falls into bed.  In the morning he wakes up he’s so tired he can’t even get out of the bed.  He asks his wife, he’s like, “Honey, can you look outside? Can you tell me if the pigs are wallowing in the mud?”  And she’s like, “No, they’re not.”  He’s like, “What the hell are they doing?”  She’s like, “They’re all in the back of the truck.  And one’s in the front, honking the horn!” (r)

 10:52 pm

• I JUST SHOOK COACH’S HAND!!! (h)
  
• Let me just give you a synopsis of who all is in the Lone Star Café right now.  I’m currently looking at Michael P.S. Hayes in an Austin 3:16 hat, smoking a cigarette.  And Big..oooh!  MICHAEL COLE!!!  IT’S MICHAEL COLE!!!  His ears stick out a lot.  It’s the Big Show, I don’t know who that guy is, I shook hands with Coach but I already said that. (h)
  
• Waikiki? (r)
  
• “Waikiki” Renton says, is here, which is also pronounced “Rikishi.” (h)
  
• P.S. Today is my best day. (h)
  
• And I’m part of it. (r)
  
• If it weren’t for me and my credit card, we would not be here at this moment.  I want to thank all my fans, I want to thank…ahh, where did he go?  I was going to thank Coach, but I don’t see him.  hh, but really, Michael P.S. Hayes is (incoherent mumbling).  Yeah, yeah!  Over and out!  (s)
  
• We have relocated in the bar to be sitting straight across from the Big Show.  Uh…yeah. (h)

 11:00 pm

• Renton here, apparently we’re part of some paparazzi newcasting team because we’re taking covert pictures of wrestlers and we’re probably going to get our asses kicked.  Meaning me.  (r)

 10:59 pm

• This is Halee, uh, addendum to previous statement: Pat Patterson is also here.  Repeat, Pat Patterson is here. (h)

 11:03 pm

• The Big Show is eating A LOT. (h)
  
• Come to Toronto!  Our city is so small, you’re bound to see some famous people!  (r)
  
• Especially when they’re really so big that they can’t hide from anybody. (s)

 11:15 pm

• e have proof of Big Show jaywalking.  And Pat Patterson is still at the bar. (h)
  
• All the guys from the WWF are staying at the Crown Plaza which is where we’re headed next.  (h)

 11:16 pm

• Micheal Hayes definitely, confirmed, has on a fanny pack.  Michael Hayes has on a fanny pack.  (h)
  
• Pat Patterson just dropped something! (h)

11:22 pm

• A dog..ha ha..a guy, a guy is walking a dog with a leash made out of a garbage bag or bubble wrap, I’m not sure which!  Staci confirms it was a garbage bag. (h)
  
• Halee just confirmed that she really wants to kiss Chris Jericho.  And my favorite song just came on.  Break it down.  How does it feel to DRINK? (s)
  
• Great. (h)
  
• Freak. (s)

 11:45 pm

• Halee can’t figure out how to use the tape recorder. (r)
  
• Here’s Renton to explain the Canadian currency: (h)
  
• Well, there first came out the “looney” by the Canadian government which has a picture of a loon on it.  And then came out the two dollar coin with a picture of a bear. (r)
  
• And Renton, what’s that called? (h)
  
• Well, at first it was just “the two dollar coin” but because by popular opinion everyone just called it a “two-ney” it’s now officially named that. (r)

 11:47 pm

• Interesting factoid: All Canadians are allergic to mosquitoes. (h)
  
• P.S. Except Renton. (h)

 11:49 pm

• Operation S.T.W. (Shock the Wrestlers) is on.  Proceeding to Crown Plaza.  (h)

 11:51 pm

• Operation S.T.W. isn’t going very well.  There’s about 2000 other people here with the exact same idea that we had.  Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that Maven walked in and I said, “Hey, Maven!”  And he said, “Hey.”  (h)
  
• Then you hit Staci. (r)
  
• Mission aborted. (h)
  
• Uhh, Raven?  I meant, not Raven..ha ha..Rhyno..ha ha..was..ha ha…wait, hold on.  11:51  Waven, Maven, Rhyno.  It was Rhyno.  I’m sorry, it was Rhyno.  Rhyno was outside the Crown Plaza shaking hands with a bunch of people and telling them to have a nice time and a safe trip back and I held my hand out to shake his hand but I got scared and ran away. (h)
  
• I forgot to mention at the Crown Plaza or Royale or whatever it is, we also saw Scott Hall and I yelled out, “HEY YO!!!”  (h)
  
• But he didn’t hear us say that and then we got kicked out. (s)

 1:07 am

• Uh, we’re somewhere?  I don’t know where.  But uh, Earl Hebner’s here.  And Renton went up and shook his hand.  And now Renton and Staci are playing air hockey and the score is Staci – 2, Renton – 1.  (h)
  
• In Canada vs. USA on air hockey, Canada won 7 – 4.  (h)
  

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